We don't need no water....

So today I almost burned down my house.

See, we have a wood burning fireplace with a cast iron insert. I can't get a damned log to burn unless my life depends on it...and even then it's a dicey prospect.

I spend a lot of time shivering under a blanket and begging the dogs and children to come snuggle with me for body heat.

Out behind our house, my darling hubby, the Tall Guy has been good enough to chop, split and stack a whole passel of wood which has been getting dampish in all of the rain, sleet and snow. I decided that one of the reasons I can't get warm is because...hello...water puts out fires....wet wood...no fire...

So I had the brilliant (or at least I thought at the time) idea to put the wood on top of the warm iron insert to let it dry.

Whoops.

See, tonight I actually managed to get the fire lit. And guess what! It turns out that when the fire inside of the fireplace gets hot enough, iron (being a good conducter of both electricity and heat) will get hot enough to actually make a hunk of wood sitting on top of it smolder and burn. As in glowing red coals.

Note to self: Smoke inhillation bad. Febreeze good.